There are concerted efforts by the extremists who now run the Republican Party to push through draconian laws in the United States that not only make abortions unavailable under any circumstances but put huge barriers to women obtaining safe and effective forms of contraception.
Why Men Should Control Reproduction
In recent days, both the Republican presidential primaries, hearings in the US Congress, and programs on Fox “News” have featured a parade of men stepping up to the microphone to tell women how to run their bodies.
There are those who wonder why men should be in charge of organizing women’s reproductive doings. But there are at least five strong reasons why this should be so:
1.) Father knows best. Enough said.
2) It’s tradition (and Lord knows, we don’t have enough good old traditions anymore.) Take the Pope. The Pope has long told half-a-billion Catholic women that having abortions or using birth control is a mortal sin. Now, it’s true that most of these women don’t listen to him (otherwise, there’d now be five billion Catholic women on the planet.) But at least the Pope tries.
3) Men really really really want to have control over life and death. Come on, cut some slack here, girls. It’s always been tough on guys. I mean, you females pull off the ultimate magic trick in the universe. Feminist philosopher Mary O’Brien speculated that patriarchy emerged 8,000 or so years ago as a way for men to control women’s reproduction. That’s a lot of work for guys! You know, setting up a whole system of laws, beliefs, social structures, and religions, then forcing women into submission, and then going to war to conquer other groups of men. Shouldn’t men get a reward for all that hard work? Like controlling women for another 8,000 years?
4) Women shouldn’t have the right to control their own bodies and reproduction because they can’t be trusted to know what’s best for themselves. How do we know that? Because most women think they should have the right to choose to have an abortion if they wish and, overwhelmingly, that they should have the right to safe and effective forms of birth control. And since I, as a man, say they shouldn’t have that right, then, obviously, women don’t know what’s best for themselves…. (Google “circular argument” if this point doesn’t make sense to you.)
5) Men are so much smarter than women. (Just look at the towering figures running for the Republican presidential nomination.) Men are more rational. (Just watch the crowd at Hooters or at any sports event.) Men are closer to God. (Just ask all those Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and Hindu fundamentalist guys who kill those people they disagree with.)
Afterword (on a more serious note): Please check out the statement, Men for Women’s Choice. Updates will be tweeted from: @GenderEQ
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31 Responses to The Five Reasons Why Men Should Control Women’s Reproduction
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Guys Guide to Feminism…The Talk
The Possibility of Dreaming on a Night Without Stars
I love you. Thank you for writing this, and for being a male voice standing up for women’s rights. As Hilary Clinton has said in the past, women’s rights are civil rights. It’s sad how many people do not understand this.
YOU ARE MY FAVORITE!!!!
Great and funny article.
GOP’s were chased out of Medicare so jumped into uteruses.
And it’s ‘Muslim’ not ‘Moslem’. If you insist on misspelling that, please spell rest as “Kritins’ ‘Joos’ and ‘Hinnduz’
Thanks for catching the typo! Corrected.
HELL YEAH!!!!!!! I think the author missed reason #6.. it belongs right up there too…. more babies means a steady supply of SOLDIERS TO KILL! Double bonus if women are allowed in combat too!!
Interesting; why doesn’t the GOP just say it?
We all know these are women-hating men; the pope being the ringleader.
Not my body and not my life do any of you get to control.
Very playful!
Why don’t the machos cut their wires
Thank you for standing up for women’s rights!!
I’ve actually heard some men (I am looking at you, Mark Driscoll!) make the argument that men should be in charge because women are irresponsible and have abortions, and men don’t. It all makes sense now….
I [a woman] have been trying to open women’s eyes for a long time. Men really do want to control us and they have the nerve to say women are controlling.
Men should take charge of women’s reproduction by taking charge of their own, use a condom or get a vasectomy. In most cases, they can even abstain or ahem “take matters into their own hands”.
thsnnnnnnnnnnnnk u for ur comment i agree with u
The sad thing is, some readers of this site will not see it as satire, and won’t get the joke
haha, I thought the same thing, and posted a similar comment before I read yours
yeah, lets bring back stoning for women too and female castration!
what’s sad is, I’ve heard people say these things when they weren’t kidding so many times, at first I wasn’t sure if this was in jest or not.
Funny and scary at the same time! Aren’t some of these numbskulls the same ones preaching against Shariah law? Is total control of women a Sharian law? Hmmmm.
A man who produces a child and refuses to be a fahter is a deadbeat…a woman who gets pregannant and refuses to be a mother is “pro-choice”.
Where in this political so-called “discussion” is the man’s responsibility not to have sex? I guess that’s the idea–it isn’t “moral” to have sex unless married. While abortion is not, in my view, to be used as a method of birth control, it is occasionally necessary to terminate a pregnancy. To force women to bear unwanted children–especially when rape/ incest or a woman’s health is involved–is unacceptable. The people who want to turn the USA into a theocracy should then not worry a bit about the Taliban, etc. (of course, we are fighting for oil, not democracy and equal rights), since they want it to be a man’s world, too.
Thank you for your posts and your willingness to take a stand. I am inspired by your courage!
hahah..u make me laugh…cause guess what..the whole man control thing is comming to an end. i would be crazy to let a men control me or my body. this is not the 1600s…GET WITH THE TIME!!!!
I LOVE YOU. THAT WAS THE BEST THING I’VE READ IN A WHILE.
Am I the only one that finds this to be a gross over-statement?
“but put huge barriers to women obtaining safe and effective forms of contraception.”
Perhaps, my understanding of the issue is wrong and if so could someone enlighten me.
But, it is my understanding that the contraception opposition is ONLY regarding the claim that tax payers should pay for contraception and only contraception for women, and yet again only contraception that does not reduce disease (i.e. either male or female condoms).
So, really it is a fiscal responsibility issue rather than anything at all in the way of discriminating against men, or women, or contraceptive choices.
Just because some fat Republican supported called someone names does not make it an equality issue.
Hello Jason, It’s true, some people have used the excuse of state funding for contraception as the reason to effectively deny contraception to many women who can’t afford it. But deeper down is the argument made by many religious fundamentalists (including those forces who have effectively taken over the Republican Party) against women’s right to decide themselves whether to become pregnant and have a baby. Not having that right means a woman doesn’t have control over the major thing that will effect the course of her life (in many cases, including jobs and career). So, indeed, it is an equality issue. … Thanks for your comment.
I live in Canada where we have heavily socialised medicine.
We have several women only programs to spend the public’s money. And, no balancing programs so that men are equally represented in their healthcare for their assumed equal contribution in taxes that pay for that medical care. Prostate cancer funding matching breast cancer funding given the occurrence rates and mortality rates would be one place to start, funding Gardasil for boys as well as for girls (HPV causes cancer in men too and how effective is treating only one subset of a population where they are quite likely to be infecting each other and 100% vaccination is not achievable), research on male contraceptive treatments allowing mutual responsibility and bodily autonomy for both men and women, you can see what I mean I am sure.
So, when you say “it is an equality issue” you may be correct but it is still by no means an anti-woman inequality issue.
It strikes me as very odd that, if the goal is to prevent pregnancy among women that can ill afford to support a child and raise it to its’ full potential that the smarter strategy would be to show a societal cost analysis.
I would bet that providing contraceptives for those women that can show inability to pay in comparison to the costs society is going to incur in looking after the children she will produce, would sway fiscally responsible people that otherwise might oppose the idea of paying for this.
Also, even in the US with its’ higher “religiosity” population I can assure you that these people do not oppose contraception in great enough numbers to affect even one policy. How am I so sure? The complete lack of towns filled with families consisting on parents and 20 or so children in each family. These people are using contraception themselves so, that claim doesn’t appear to be valid.
I am still unconvinced this is the result of anything other than an emotional response to defend a young woman from an overweight, arrogant, loud-mouths personal insults.
Atleast they did not give the young woman the same response that we give young men not wishing to be fathers, which is, “Well, then don’t have sex.”
I am seeing some inequality but, not in the direction your article suggests it flows.
Thank you so much for this lucid, amusing, dissection of this lunacy
I feel sick that grown men can say that they “own” a human beings body. we are not slaves. I’m a 14 year old girl and I believe that all people are equal. A lot of boys my age would be playing xbox and talking about boobs but I’m reading about controversial topics and you still argue that men are smarter then women. claps for you society.
I completely agree with you! This blog is a satire of those men and boys who think men/boys should control women/girls. Thanks for your comment!
At first I thought you to be serious, and I was pretty hella pissed. I get it now, this is really funny!
I am a twelve year old equal rights activist and I approve this message.
oh gosh can stop laughing, this is perfect for my AP US history project hope you don’t mind me borrowing some of your opinions, with the mention of the website url and your name quoted of course